First Harvest

Jasper got to pick his first ripe tomatoes today. We've been waiting for this day for a long time. But we did it! We actually GREW FOOD! 

How exciting is that?!

It's so exciting, that I completely forgot to take pictures of the ripe tomatoes ON the vine before he picked them. Darnit. Oh well... there are about 50 more green ones on the plant, so I'll have my chance. 

Jasper was excited that there were four tomatoes... "one for each person in the family" he said. Um, I guess that means I'll be eating one later today in our "First Harvest Family Tomato Eating Ceremony." 

Uh oh. 

I do not like tomatoes. In fact, tomatoes make me want to vomit. 

I think I know why. When I was a kid, we'd go visit my grandparents at their lake house in Oklahoma. We'd swim. We'd burn. And then, we'd get the dreaded Tomato Treatment. The tomato treatment is just what it sounds like... Nanny or Papa would cut up a tomato and rub it ALL OVER YOUR pathetic burned little body. 

I am not sure if this home remedy really worked or not. I suppose it did, because let me tell you, once you were covered in sticky stinky tomato juice, you completely forgot all about your sunburn... but that's only because now you just felt so miserable to be covered in tomatoes. And have you ever seen mosquitoes in Oklahoma? They're big. And guess what? They apparently like tomatoes, very much, if you get my drift. 

So perhaps whenever I smell a fresh tomato, it takes me right back to that whiny, sunburned child who did NOT want to be slathered up in the vile juices... ugh. 

Today, however, I will try to turn a new leaf, for my son's sake. I will smile and I will eat the tomato, and I will NOT hurl... 

I would sure LIKE to be able to like tomatoes. I will try. And I'll let you know how it goes. :) 

Air-Conditioning, Fever and a Transport Ferry

That pretty much wraps up our day yesterday. It was mellow. It was hot and the air-conditioners ran all day. Summer is already feeling long... ha ha ha. 

Jasper and I were diligently working on his Lego transport ferry when he first spiked his fever. He got up to 103 at one point and so just felt kinda punk all day. But the highlight of the day, for both of us, was finally completing his ferry. 

I tell you what, Santa obviously thought pretty highly of this kid, to get him this item (#1 on his Christmas wish list). He must've felt confident that Jasper would have the patience and gumption to actually make it happen. We're talking 1,279 pieces of a totally complicated piece of machinery, complete with gears and chains and dozens of working parts. You're really supposed to be at least 12 years old to be able to do this... but my brilliant 8-year-old son made it look like a piece of cake. He did not disappoint. I'm sure Santa would be proud. 

I was his assistant. I would hunt down pieces to each phase and lay them out while he followed the ridiculously detailed instructions and made magic happen. What we started over my morning coffee, we ended over my evening glass of wine. 

It's not easy for me anymore to sit cross-legged on the floor for hours upon hours. In fact, it hurts. A lot. I had to take a union break every half hour or so to stretch my old muscles... but I truly enjoyed the quiet time, with my focused, determined son, while he worked and created. We'd chat some, but not a lot. He's not afraid of comfortable silences. We get along nicely. And he agreed that we make a great team.

He's feeling better today. I'm glad. He's my hero. 

Why?

Alright, I know most of you have told me you come here to read my blog because you love how positive I am and how happy I am with my life and because it makes you feel good to read my ramblings... and yes, I *am* still happy and all of that, but this morning I just feel I have to get something off my chest. I apologize for it, but sometimes I just get consumed by the sadness and if I just try to purge it, perhaps I can shake off the funk and continue on today as my happy self, living out my incredibly blessed, damned-near-perfect life in selfish blissful oblivion. (Gee, can you tell I'm being eaten away at the core by guilt??)

I have a heavy heart this morning. I feel like I've been hit in the face with a brick. 

Yesterday, at one point, I remember mentally lamenting that I wish I looked better in a bathing suit, cause my new friends all seem to have the cutest little bodies, and I was also bummed that my hydrangeas haven't produced more mopheads because I really want to cut some and bring them inside, but then there won't be any left in the garden, and I am annoyed because my dog is shedding like crazy and so I have to sweep several times a day... Hmmm. Okay, that's it. THAT is how AMAZINGLY GREAT my life is. Those were the ONLY things I could think of to even remotely complain about for the day. 

But while I'm over here living this damned-near-perfect life, I just found out that one of my friend's mothers died after suffering many years with Alzheimer's. My friend has now lost both parents in the past few months. And my other friend is currently on a humanitarian trip in the Dominican Republic, taking photographs of naked babies sleeping in the streets and little children playing in the village dump. Another friend just told us that he's leaving his wife because she's an alcoholic who refuses to change her ways. And yet another, an old family friend, is battling breast cancer. 

Friends all around us are suffering. They're losing jobs and losing homes and their marriages are crumbling. It is so incredibly sad. 

My cousin's husband played "Blackbird" on his guitar Sunday at a funeral for an 8-month-old boy who could not win his battle against disease. 

I follow blogs of several women who bare their souls and their stories of infertility and of losing children. I know many mothers coping with children with special needs.

And in the news, just today, more details about the horrific fire at a daycare in Mexico that killed at least 38 children and about how the parents tried to ram their cars into the side of the building to free the children. 

And then, of course, there's the Air France crash that is still being investigated. That's another 228 victims... and that means thousands of people mourning for them, wondering if the bodies will ever be found. 

There are people shooting each other at schools and resorts and in the on-going war. People are committing suicide and beating their children. 

I recently watched "Slumdog Millionaire" and saw the hideous things done to children in other countries... the abuse and slavery and prostitution and torture of these innocent souls. 

It's really just too much to handle. 

It makes me incredibly sad and sick to my stomach. It makes me want to get up off this couch and DO something about it. But it also makes me feel helpless, like the problems are so much bigger than I am, and so the magnitude of it all just paralyzes me and I have no earthly idea where I'd even start. 

And all the while, while all this heartache and trauma and tragedy is swirling around me, I sit here in my office and daydream of Ireland and castles and pubs and a cold Guinness with my adorable husband. I daydream about my son winning his first baseball championship trophy tonight and I gaze at my daughter and think about how gorgeous she looks with her fresh tan and glistening golden hair. I think about how nice the air-conditioning feels on this hot summer day and wonder what I should fix myself for lunch.

Is it fair? No. It is not fair. 

Is it okay for me to still bask in the glow of my own personal life? And how do I do that without feeling guilty? 

What can I do to help? Where do I even start? 

I am completely open to any and all suggestions. 

If you've made it this far in this post, thank you for listening.

It's Here!

Okay, and I'm here too! HA HA HA. I even got fussed at by my VERY OWN ANTI-BLOG HUSBAND last night for not posting enough. I keep meaning to, I really really do, honest... but it's a little overwhelming because there's just TOO much to talk about, so I don't even know where to start. 

We have recently gone to visit my parents and niece (Oh My Gosh I never even blogged about that AMAZING trip!), celebrated Jasper's 8th birthday, wrapped up another school year and are now in the throes of a very exciting baseball tournament. 

And our phones have been out for 3 days (??) and the washing machine is broken and Ireland is finally planned and it's all just been VERY CHAOTIC and wonderful around here. 

So this isn't really a blog... this is just me saying I *will* be back later today with a REAL blog. Honest! :) 

But for right now I'm going to enjoy this cup of coffee on what feels like the first REAL DAY OF SUMMER... did I mention both the kids are still asleep? Ahhhhhhhh. Gotta love it! 

Going to download a ton of pics for you... 

Oh, and yeah, more... well, I can never decide what I want my blog to look like. It's tough when you use this free program cause there's only so much customizing you can do. I would like to upgrade my blog so I can really make it MINE... but just haven't had time! Maybe that will be a good summer project. 

Back soon my friends!