"Clean as a Whistle"

Great news boys and girls... mama's lymph nodes were CLEAN!!! WOO HOO! What a relief!

So now we move on to radiation. If you've been keeping up... we were originally planning on doing the 5-day version (with the Squiddy Tiddy) BUT turns out you need to have a clean 2 mm margin in order to do that version and the doc only got a 1 mm margin... so to do the one-week version she'd need to go back in to scoop out more first. I said, "NOPE... NO MORE SURGERY thankyouverymuch"!!!!! I will HAPPILY forgo more surgery (and the Squiddy Tiddy contraption!) and just do the good ol' fashioned 6-week full breast radiation. I'm good with that! In fact, if I'm totally honest, I'm relieved to not have to deal with the Squiddy Tiddy at all. I was dreading that big time! 

We meet with a new radiologist next week (since we're going with Plan B) and looks like we can wait to start treatment AFTER our trip to Amsterdam. Again... I'm good with that! 

As far as this Lobotomy Brain, they said it's totally normal and when John asked how much longer it might last they said, "Oh, another week or two." DOH! I still feel like I just stepped off the Tilt-a-Whirl ride at the carnival as the dizziness and confusion seem here to stay, but at least the ringing in my ears is finally subsiding. Baby steps! 

But all in all, today is a GOOD DAY and we are HAPPY!!!!! 

Thanks for checkin' in!!

"Lumpectomy or Lobotomy?"

I could have SWORN I went to the hospital for a lumpectomy... but I think they made a mistake a performed a lobotomy instead. 

Remember this commercial in the late 80s? Well, it pretty much sums up my past week.   

Anesthesia is a POWERFUL drug and it certainly fried my brain to a crisp!!!! I am desperately looking forward to feeling "normal" again! 

In the meantime, the Universe continues to spin around me while I feel like I watch from a distance, through the fog and constant ringing in my ears. 

* Kathryn made it safely to camp and is in full-on intense lifeguard training. 

* Jasper is SIXTEEN TODAY!!! He and John are headed to the big driving test as we speak! 

* Tomorrow is my post-op appointment and I'm VERY ANXIOUS to hear the results & "next steps." 

* Friday Jasper leaves for Austin for another state band competition (ensemble and clarinet solo) and then next week is the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL! 

"David After the Dentist"

You guys have probably all seen the You Tube video clip of young David riding home in the backseat of his patents' car after getting his wisdom teeth removed? Right? Poor kid was gorked out of his mind! Let's just say my post-anesthesia version might have been pretty amusing as well (THANK GOD no one had an iphone!) There's no evidence. Ha Ha. But I DO apologize for all the "drunk" texting I did last night!!!!! Oh dear. 

It was VERY strange stepping into the Twilight Zone yesterday. They pumped me full with so much *good* medicine that I don't remember ANYTHING about the surgery or being taken back to my recovery room or riding home or even BEING home for the first 5 hours! LOL! I was WHACKED. John and the kids gave me a play by play and I think Kathryn got a real kick out it! 

I am still a bit woozy this morning despite the little patch they put behind my ear. Let's just say I still could NOT pass a sobriety test! That's okay thought because I plan to milk this recovery day for all it's worth!! :) 

Oh, you're probably here wondering HOW DID THE SURGERY GO? According to John's chat with the surgeon afterwards (I wasn't there... or maybe my body was but my brain sure wasn't!)... she was THRILLED with the surgery and thinks she got most of what she wanted OUT of there! YIPPEEEE! So yup, surgery went fine and I'll be anxious to go to my post-op checkup on Thursday to hear all the pathology reports. (Now we just hope and pray it didn't find its way into the lymph nodes!)

My boob/armpit is fine. Throbbing a little an uncomfortable, but NO PAIN, so I'm thrilled!! 

SOOOOO happy to have that day behind me!!!!!! John was a perfect gentleman too.  

Thanks for all the sweet texts and words of encouragement and prayers you guys sent me throughout the day. :) I felt like EVERYONE was by my side!!!!! LOVE YOU ALL!

Oh and other good news... my genetic cancer test came back NEGATIVE!!!! Which means Kathryn isn't going to be losing any extra sleep over it anymore. HUGE RELIEF for both of us. 

"Get 'er Done"

Well kids, the Big Day is finally almost here and I'm ready to get this over with! 

I just got home from teaching my last boot camp for a few weeks. *sniff sniff*  It's probably a good thing I'll be on some pain meds tomorrow because I have a feeling we're all gonna be SUPER SORE after that. We went hard core today (I could tell it was hard because I could see it written all over Kristen's face... and she's tough as nails! HA HA! I'm pretty sure she was cussing me out at one point)!!! When I'm feeling sore and sucky during my upcoming recovery I'm just going to think back on this morning and how GOOD and STRONG and ENERGETIC I felt and KNOW I'll be back there again very soon. I look forward to it. 

People keep asking how I'm doing (I assume they mean mentally) and I'm truly fine. No joke. I've been too busy this week to think about yucky stuff. I've been way more focused on all the good things like celebrating my niece's graduation (she's a Bad Ass y'all... graduated Summa Cum Laude and in just three years!), bringing my daughter home from college and now getting her all packed & ready for her job as a summer camp counselor. My heart is full and happy!! 

I check in to the hospital tomorrow morning at 9:30. The actual surgery begins at 2:00 and should take about two hours. After an hour in recovery we can head home. I will try to remember to get Kathryn or John to post an update tomorrow night. :) 

"Squiddy Tiddy" 

My Dad always called things "do-hickey," "do-dad," "whatchamacallit" or "thing-a-ma-jig" when he couldn't remember the names of stuff. I loved that silly side of him. I also loved the more serious/curious side of him that wanted to tinker with something (with furrowed brow) to find out how it worked (or how he could go home and replicate it for half the price). I think the Engineer in him would've been fascinated by this here whatchamacallit (that, for lack of any better term, John and I have decided to refer to as my "Squiddy Tiddy."). John's a lot like my Dad in that he just always wants to know how things work (along with "why"... it's a little bit like living with an obnoxiously-inquisitive toddler). I think my Pilot Husband missed his calling as Physicist because he was positively drooling over this do-dad today and asked the radiologist roughly 56 questions about the device and process (while I sat idly by wondering if we should get Schlotzky's or Chipotle for lunch). It really was pretty fascinating. I think it will be a tad less fascinating once it's sticking out of the side of my body, but for the time being, yeah, pretty cool cutting-edge technology. This method of radiology (only for some lucky qualified patients) replaces the traditional 6-week treatment plan. For this option, the surgeon inserts this do-dad into my boob two weeks after surgery and I get to "wear" it for a week. (FUN! Looking forward to John shampooing my hair "Out of Africa" style.) I'll go to radiation twice a day for 5 days and during those treatments they'll drop the radioactive "hot" seed in the little tubes sticking out and zap the area hollowed out from the lumpectomy, ONLY radiating the affected area, not the entire breast. Each treatment takes about 20 minutes. Cool huh? 

We loved the radiologist today! He, himself, is a cancer survivor and so goes super duper above and beyond to make sure you understand EVERYTHING and are comfortable with all the information and treatment plan. Great guy! He spent 20+ minutes reviewing my case with us while writing it all out on the white board, like an enthusiastic football coach, explaining it play by play. 

So... now I've got my GAME PLAN and I'm pumped and ready to get out there, play some awesome offense and tackle this bitch head on! Look out cancer... cause you're goin' DOWN! 

Tomorrow is pre-op (x-ray, EKG, blood work etc) and surgery is next Wednesday. LET'S DO THIS! 

"Hmm, Let Me Check My Calendar"

I tell ya kids, nothing fills up your calendar quite as quickly as cancer! HA HA. Talk about a TON of appointments!!!!! Good grief! It'll keep ya busy, that's for sure! This next month is going to be Balls to the Wall for the Murphys. Next week I've got my pre-op workups & appointments as well as Jasper's formal band banquet (still don't know what I'm going to wear since nothing fits anymore!). After the banquet we jump in the car to drive to San Marcos to attend my niece's college graduation Saturday. Sunday we celebrate Mother's Day with my Mom then MOVE KATHRYN OUT OF THE DORM! Monday and Tuesday, we'll get Kathryn packed and ready to go be a camp counselor. Wednesday the 17th is my surgery date and then I better heal quickly because we gotta get baby girl to camp in the hill country on the 21st. Jasper's 16th birthday and DRIVING TEST are on the 23rd and then he goes to state again on the 26th. I will be starting radiation somewhere around June 1st... and that better go well because mama's got a trip to Salt Lake City planned for June 9th and then we gotta get Jasper to camp on June 18th and John and I leave the next day for our BIG trip to Amsterdam, Brussels and Bruges... 

Funny how we're just SQUEEZING in this cancer mess amongst the MORE IMPORTANT things! :)

Hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!!!  

"HAPPY DANCE"

I am totally doing the happy dance today and feel on top of the world. Met with my new oncologist this morning (y'all, not gonna lie, he's pretty dang cute and charismatic and we already got to second base on our first date!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!) and I SUPER DUPER LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM... HALLELUJAH!!!!! He said my CT and MRI scans looked good and no other big areas of concern... so the thought at the moment is still lumpectomy & radiation... not thinking chemo will be necessary (unless they get in there and find the lymph nodes in icky shape, but so far they think they look clean)! WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!! Another hurdle cleared!!!!

Tomorrow I meet with the surgeon to start talking dates... 

But right now... just gonna enjoy feeling SO MUCH RELIEF!!!!!!! (I never in a million years thought it would be possible to feel THIS DAMN HAPPY as a new cancer patient! LOL!)

"Piece of Cake and a Vanilla Yogurt Parfait"

Had my CT scan this morning. It was a piece of cake! 

I was told (incorrectly) that it would be a 4-hour ordeal where you'd get the IV, drink some weird solution, come back 3 hours then have the scan and be in the tube for 35 minutes or more. WELL... NO. None of that was true! We walked in at 9:15 and walked out at about 9:37. Truly couldn't have been easier. Only rough part was getting the IV by a student who CLEARLY needs a LOT more practice (and I pity his next few victims because it was ROUGH!). The scan wasn't even in a full tube, just a donut around the midsection and was over and done in 5 minutes (and no loud noise like an MRI). Then we were out the door and went straight to Cracker Barrel across the street for breakfast and coffee (and I was super excited since I was fasting!). Did y'all know that Cracker Barrel now puts the calorie count of EVERYTHING right there in the descriptions on the menu?? WHAAAAAT? Man, that takes ALL the fun out of it (you don't EVEN want to know how many calories you've been consuming at this place!!!)! I ended up with a (delicious) yogurt parfait, egg whites and turkey sausage but still reached over to "help" John with his chicken fried steak, biscuits and gravy! HA HA HA. YUM! 

Have an appointment tomorrow (man, SO MANY APPOINTMENTS!) with my NEW oncologist (#2) and he should have results from the MRI and CT and then we meet with the surgeon again Thursday SOOOOO hopefully by the end of the week we'll have a better idea of The Plan. 

That feels good. 

"Step Away from the Bubble"

Those of you who know me well know I'm a little bit like Glinda the Good Witch. I like to float around in my Happy Little Bubble, not a care in the world, smiling down at my own two Munchkins in this Happy Place where I live. I have a good life. I'm genuinely happy. I like crafts. And fluffy things. I cry at sappy movies and kitten videos. I do ridiculous dances around the kitchen while I cook and love to send care packages (covered with embarrassing stickers, of course) to people. I use too many emoticons and love to throw parties or decorate for holidays. I like my life in this bubble.

John and I often talk about the Bad Stuff That Happens to Other People. There are so many sad stories and struggles out there... and it seems like the older we get, the closer to home those stories get. It makes me feel vulnerable and quite often I'll say to John, "You know, my life seems so close to perfect that I sometimes wonder when my bubble will burst." I'm paranoid like that. 

Well, it hasn't totally burst, but tonight I'm feeling like my Happy Bubble has a pesky hole poked in it and the air is slowly leaking out while I'm desperately trying to patch it and while keeping myself afloat. This has been a rough week with too much hitting way too close to home... first the big "C" diagnosis (Um, yeah, that was pretty much a direct hit! LOL!) and then tornadoes that devastated a community nearby. Then today receiving a text message from my own daughter, who was locked in a classroom at UT, huddled in a corner with other terrified students, living out a nightmare we usually only watch unfold on TV, while a suspect went berserk and stabbed four people, killing one on the scene... one floor below where Kathryn was sitting. 

OH MY GOD. TOO MUCH UNIVERSE. I'd really like it if you could kindly STEP AWAY FROM MY BUBBLE now, thankyouverymuch. 

For tonight, I'm going to go climb in a bath full of bubbles... and I'm going to close my eyes and pray for the families who lost their loved ones or homes in the tornadoes and for the families who lost their son/brother/friend in the stabbing and for all the shell-shocked students at UT and for my precious daughter and I'm going to thank God for keeping her safe... and tomorrow will be a new day.

In other news... CT scan of chest, abdomen and pelvis happens for me tomorrow morning at 9... so be sending good vibes!!! I won't know any results for a few days, but will keep you posted. 

Now, if you can, go hug your kids or your husband or your dog or pet goldfish. Love you all.