"You Can't Polish a Turd" 

I was a newspaper reporter for many years, "back in the day," and had this awesome publisher named Dan, who was wonderful and jolly and funny and lazy and brutally honest. He had a favorite saying he'd often remind us of during our morning staff meetings, urging us to try harder to make a good product and write better stories each & every week. He'd say, "Remember guys, you can't polish a turd." 

I was thinking of Dan today, in light of my current situation and thought, you are so right, you really can't polish a turd. No matter how I try to gloss it over, cancer sucks. It's a HUGE TURD. 

Reality is slowly starting to set in as I continue to drink from this fire hydrant, drowning in an ocean of new information and scenarios and possibilities and "what ifs." I didn't realize the amount of QUESTIONS (ARGH!) and PAPERWORK (GAH!) and TESTING (OUCH!) and APPOINTMENTS (BLAH!) and BLOOD DRAWS (DOH!) and excruciating hours of sitting in freezing cold waiting rooms with yet another damned episode of Tiny House Hunters blaring on the TV there would be!! (I swear y'all, if this cancer doesn't kill me, five more episodes of Tiny House Hunters or Flip or Flop just might do me in!!!!!)

And I've already become a human pin cushion. So many blood draws and IVs! Fun! Cause those of you who know me well know I JUST LOVE NEEDLES!!!!! 

So now I look forward to an upcoming CT scan (another IV for dye) to see if it's traveled elsewhere and a bone density scan (another IV for more dye) cause apparently bone is first place to which breast cancer will usually spread, and hormone testing (got stuck for that today) to find out if I'm in menopause or not because that will determine which fun hormone-squashing drug I'll get to take for the next 10 years. 

Oh and a search for Oncologist #2 will start in the morning because #1 is MOST DEFINITELY getting a big fat Trump style "You're Fired!" because I loathed EVERYTHING about the hospital/office/staff/doctor/experience this afternoon. Bleh. 

Sorry today's update isn't as funny... it was just a rough day... but I'm better already because I'm home and you've never seen little bartender John whip up a vodka drink for me faster in his life and now he's being a good husband, making dinner. :)