Okay, that's a weird title, but I'm in a weird mood, so deal with it. ;)
I'm sitting here right now, in my fuzzy yellow ducky pajamas (it's true, I knew you wouldn't believe me, so there's the picture to prove it), sipping luke warm coffee, trying to get inspired. But all I'm getting is discouraged and whiny. I'm staring at a blank blog template, not knowing what to write about today... and here's what I'm thinking (my Mom and John have heard me complain about this more times than they can count on their fingers and toes, but here it goes again):
I want to be REALLYREALLYREALLY good at something. ANYTHING (I'm not picky!). But something.
This morning I started my day by catching up on blog reading. I love to read other people's blogs. And then I get bummed cause I don't write as well as they do. I'm not nearly as funny.
Darnit.
So then I decide to flip through the latest Pottery Barn catalogue that's been sittin' here collecting dust for weeks. By page 12 I'm totally depressed that NO room in my house looks even NEAR that amazing. And while I *do* realize NO ONE truly lives that way, I still want my house to look like it! Is that so wrong?
Darnit.
Okay, then I decide to browse through some of my favorite photography websites... big mistake. There is INSANE talent out there folks.
Double darnit.
Hmmm. Ooooh, I know... how 'bout I look through this gardening magazine so I'll know what I should be doing in my garden this month. ACK... crapcrapcrap... look at page 28... why do they make growing strawberries look SO. PLAIN. EASY?! It's not people. I've tried. More than once. But right there, on page 28, there's a hand, overflowing with ripe, luscious, perfect, gorgeous, juicy strawberries. ACK!
Alright Stacy, forget all that... let's just go do some shopping on Etsy cause maybe a new cute necklace would cheer you up... hmmm, maybe something funky and small and silver on a leather cord... oh wow, ohhhhhhhkay... look at all these people oozing with creativity!!!!!!!!!
SCREAM!
Where oh where is MY creativity?? Oh where oh where can it be?
See, this is my problem. I get in these moods where I just wish I were someone else. Well, not totally... I don't want their life or kids or husband or pets or bills or problems or in-laws or hair... I just want their creativity! I want to suck it out of them and drink it up for myself. I want to CREATE. And I want to do something TOTALLY ORIGINAL... but WHAT?
So now I'm mad at myself now for being so whiny. I don't want to be whiny. I want to be a FABULOUS writer or photographer or gardener or interior decorator or chef or figure skater or musician or SOMETHING.
Anything... as long as I'm totally fabulous at it!
I try to convince myself to take a step back and realize I'm actually doing okay because I do think I'm a little good at a lot of things, so that's gotta count for something, right? I mean, I'm a pretty decent photographer, I've got lots of thriving houseplants (even if I can't grow a strawberry to save my life... oh wait, that's not true... we got ONE edible one last year!!!! LOL!), my house is plain, but pretty, and I'm crafty enough to help the kids make a killer diorama. What else? Oh, my blog's got a fairly impressive following of readers, so it can't be all that bad...
But I still have this annoying nagging sensation that it's just not good enough. I want MORE. I want fabulous!
I have to believe that SOMEDAY I'll figure it out. It's probably in there somewhere, I just haven't tapped into it quite yet. I gotta go stand out there like Ben Franklin with his lightening rod and be bold and patient and confident (and a little bit crazy) and hope it will just HIT me, just like that... and then I'll know. And then I can just get on with it.
Someday.
4 comments:
Whoa.
You are just having an off day...or are in the Welch's Grape Juice Valley of Fatigue...or having Writers' Block. Give your brain a break!
Somedays you can only see the worm and not the apple.
Stacy, you are extremely talented, intelligent, energetic, nurturing, beautiful.....jeez, I could go on and on. Your home is beautiful, your children bright and successful, your gardens will bloom - well okay, maybe not strawberries. They're tough to grow in Texas.
Patience. This, too, shall pass.
Somedays you get to milk the goat; other days you just get to hold the horns.
Avoid Pottery Barn and Martha Stewart when you feel this way. Both are a one-way ticket to feelings of inadequacy.
Think positive thoughts.
I love you. Lots of people do. And we love you just the way you are. Remember that.
I always find that the best way out of these ruts is to have sex... You are the very best in John's eyes... This way you are always number 1!!!! See, you are the very "BEST" at what is important!
J.
PS: John, you owe me... sorry if I offend anyone... and Stacy, you are the best at many many things!
I agree with J ! ! ! ! ! !
XOXO
i think your perfect. You ALWAYS make me laugh and always make me feel good about being myself. Decent photographer? Um, how about AWESOME photographer. You rock at being stacy and my world is a better place with you in it :)
ugh-okay way to sappy but its true. I think i might have a diabetic stroke from the sweetness written above.
Post a Comment